The One Regret of a First-time Father at Forty

So I don’t want this to be a post too similar to my earlier post, but more of a continuation. My mom told me once that your health issues will start to come out in your 40’s. I have no data to back that up; it’s just something Mom said. Still, at 41 I started getting some pretty bad migraines, which has been a constant companion since. Added to that I gain weight easier than I used to (and not in a good way), and I have an uphill battle keeping it off. Long story short, I’m not in the same condition I was when I was 35 and training for my nidan in aikido.

If there is one regret that I have, it’s that I don’t have that same energy I did when I was 35. Forget about 25; I wasn’t ready anyway. I hate leaving the office at 5 with that modest boost you get by getting up to go home, only to feel the energy drain from me like the slowly-emptying, over-crowded bus I ride. By the time I get to my stop, the bus is empty and so am I. I’m sad that I can only really play with my kids at the end of the day in fits and spurts because that’s all the energy I can muster.

Still, on the other hand, I feel I can really enjoy those moments better now when I can sit with my girl and read a longer story. She curls up close and looks at the pictures and listens intently. Sam’s a bit too young to sit for some of these stories. Today was The Midnight Farm.

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